im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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