Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
