Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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