So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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