I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
