dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
