I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They took my balls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
