I can feel you judging me through the phone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
