I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
