Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize