ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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