Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i drank out of a bidet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
