do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I pour the whiskey from now on
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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