yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
