Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he thought i was a dude.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you had me at cake vodka
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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