Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
