I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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