I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
