On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think my moral compass just broke
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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