What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
