Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
