WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's rum buckets o'clock
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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