walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
