I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
