New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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