Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
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I need you to use more vowels.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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