I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
