you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
