Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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