As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
