Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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