I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
