people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
