dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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