I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
