you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude. I can hear the air.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
