If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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