Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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