Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
