Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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