More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to calm my uterus...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
