Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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