we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
