yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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