i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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