Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
