Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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