It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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