That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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