I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
