I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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