very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
soo... how was my night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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