I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
