I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
