Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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