i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
