Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
