My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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