I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
