Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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