You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
