Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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