my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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