Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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