In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
